Again its come to haunt my night. Where darkness had come to be my friend, to hide all not wished to be seen. This vision demanding truths wanted hidden cannot be stopped but for the light of day. A slave it seems am I to be bound helplessly watching hopes and fears, twist and turn in the dark air, mixed with a hearts despair.
Sitting in silence, I watch as tears fall down your face. They try to comfort you as they sit across from you, never knowing the whole story. And as each tear hits your check, I cringe inside, hoping its not for me.
Softly your voice is heard, through all the deafening silence, I hear it quickly, “I made a mistake…”, and then nothing. In that moment, my heart breaks, as I realize what is meant. Hugging in comfort, they try desperately to console you. She looks around as his arms are still around you, scanning for something that seems to have upset her.
Soft voices echoing from the distance, indistinct, but firm. Her face lights up like a small childs on Christmas morning, staring at all the presents under the tree. And for a few moments, just watches everything unfold.
A flood of little feet scampering all around the park, laughter felt from all of them. Slowly the parents begin to emerge from the tree line at the edge of the hill. Still shocking to see how well they’ve grown, and how much they’ve succeeded in life thus far. Her face swells with tears as she sees me walking slowly behind, being escorted by little hands. She’s able to recognize after all these years, the same man and daughter older.
I sit on a bench, talking with the other adults, my kids fully grown, as we watch kids and grandkids alike. A finger shoots up towards our direction, as she attempts to get your attention. You gasp, and then let out the tears you were trying to hide. Through their falling, a smile creeps onto your face as you watch all of us enjoying our afternoon. The sadness comes in waves across your face as you seem to slowly realize all that was lost in choice.
And a small hand taps my leg for attention. Asked softly why a woman is crying across the way. Try to explain there are many reasons a person crys, from happiness to sadness, but it does little to help ease the curiosity. Tugging at me arm, trying to pull me towards the crying thinking I can make things better somehow, my grandson asks me to help the woman in tears. I ask him to explain what he means for me to do. With innocent eyes, he looks up and asks me to take her pain away. Knowing I can’t deny his request without further explainations, I ask him to point her out for me. When he does, a double take is done. I couldn’t believe what I saw, but it was you he had pointed to. He asked again for me to help make your tears go away.
I sat back down quickly, almost stumbling as I did so. Concerned, he asked my what was wrong. I tried to explain to him simply, that the woman he heard crying was someone that once meant the world to me. He knew instantly what I was talking about. Shortly after letting him know, I found myself completely surrounded by my family. All of them asking what was wrong until he spoke up to tell his story of the crying woman heard being the love lost.
They all look to where he points. Concern rushes onto their face as they slowly turn back around. Alli’s the first to ask what no one else wants to, “are you going to go over to her?”. Before anyone realizes, we all hear Eme calling your attention. She sits down by your side, pulls you close in a loving hug, and holds you in silence. Jeri and Jeremy are in shock, and confused. They look towards where she had come from, and understand then, what’s happening when they see me walking, with kids all around.
Eme moves away as I get close, motioning for me to sit by you, to take her place. Hesitantly I do so. Unsure what to do, or even say, I put my hand on yours. You quickly grasp mine before interlocking fingers. My grandson tugs at my pant leg, whispers loudly for me to help dry your tears. This seems to trigger the rest of your tears, as you bury your head in my shoulder, arms wrapped around me. The only thing I can bring myself to say, is that I was sorry you were in pain.
Through your tears, I hear you say four hushed words, “I made a mistake”. I just held you closer, wiping away your tears.
Violently, I awaken to an alram yet to go off, with tears in my eyes once more. Each time this vision has come, it becomes more intense, and detailed. It gets harder to shake the pain that’s left in its wake.