I long to be by your side each night, listening to you breathe dreams, knowing my arms are keeping you safe. Long do I wish to be able to hold you in a deep embrace, where time has stopped. To be of the ability to kiss you gently as encouragement, and passionately when alone. I could list a list that continues for pages of all the things I miss about you, of us, but I won’t with this letter.
The love I have for you still surprises me to this day. For three years I have lived ignoring the possibility that another may want me so. I spent time in denial that you could have those feelings for me. You gave me the ability to open myself up willingly to those thoughts and feelings once more. In our time together, you have helped me to see myself for what I can become from where I am now.
I have given you many firsts of myself, that I hope you look back on fondly. You were the first woman I felt I could truly love again, broken pieces and all, that is my heart. I gave it all to you, without holding back. You were also the first woman I felt safe to allow my daughter to get close to. You are the first, and will be the only woman, that I will have forgiven for having cheated.
I hope I have given you many good things to remember us by. I hope that you realize what a proper man is when you think back. I may not have been there fully yet, but I am well on my way to becoming one. I hope you realize what a second chance you were given when all was forgiven that week. I also hope that you know in your heart you were truly loved, flaws and all, and that somewhere inside of me, it still lives as such. That at the end of the day, I gave you my all.
At this point in time, I know that my heart is still yours to have, but it also won’t survive much longer in its current state. My words are useless to attempt to express to you what I feel, as they are not strong enough to convey everything properly.
Lastly, I hope this letter reaches you with good spirits. That you are finding the answers to all of your questions that needed asking. I hope you are becoming all the things you want and need to be.
So I end this with you in my heart and dreams, loved still.
The man walking through levels of hell and heartache…