Creeping Sadness

Lumps in a throat
Sinking heart beats
Knots in a stomach
Chills of the neck
How to explain it all?

Shocks to the system
Just wanting to forget
These feelings ever existed
But they come regularly
How to explain it all?

They creep up on me from a lost somewhere
Long forgotten, forcefully hidden island
Tried to keep them buried with past heartaches
Yet they manage to cross that vast sea
How far must I run from them to be free?

Bullet pierced my already sore heart
An old familiar feeling, still brings pain
The heaviness sets in soon after
Weight of the world slipping on my shoulders
Was I wrong to believe I could hold it there?

Thoughts start to wonder to questions not asked
Loneliness has a way of bringing clarity
Maybe its time to retreat once more to silence
Days with little light, night with quiet glows
Accompanied by pictures moving ‘cross a screen

Life of solitude spent further losing myself
Aging quietly away from all once known
Days and nights neigh looked forward to meeting
A fading light cared not for to change
Left to its own devices on stranded shores

Raging seas of despair surrounding as barrier
Protecting which is unclear to all looking
Are they for to keep me in, or you out
Should be asked of the pulling tides
As I fear to be dragged laughing to retreats

Locked away with every regret staring back
Unable to escape only able to face each
What should come of this one is too harsh
Never to face myself again should happen
To lose the last grounding element of life

Unable to parse thoughts to words for her
Cryptic writing is all that’s left now
As with read by another, meanings lost
Frustrations run high each time in struggle
Try as I might, explaining the ticks impossible

Asked to let it out in safety surrounds
Fear keeps it locked up tight from me
Something deep inside forbids release
Beyond trust would seem required
For the keeper to relax its grip

More than she can fathom is a sad desire
One that is feared to not come true
As each night the darkness embraces
To share with her deepest fears and hopes
Harshest pains and highest highs

But the creeping sadness dims hope
To all but a faint glow in my hand
As the will to move through wavers
Unsteady is the ride of emotions
Now trapped within these waves

Trapped to keep the waters swirling
Keeping me isolated as is she behind
Building tides ready to crush attempts
Of escapes by either side to flee
Hopes slowly dashed as moons dance

Slowly passed does time creep alone
With it lumps subside, as heartbeat returns
Erasing the chills, untying knots felt
Attempting to fix the fears felt
Attempting to bring an uneasy peace back

Quietly sitting lost in music
Driving into a comfortable numbness
Where cares are put to bed in trance
Just as the sun sets to welcome dark
So shall this numbness wear off in light

Time to sit watching the setting feelings
Roll out ‘cross the sands of despair
To fall below the horizon of trapped fears
Crashing in rhythm as the bulb fades
Letting the mind come to rest upon darkness

To just escape the creeping sadness this night, relief…

Leave a Reply