To Shotgun Or Not

To go out and buy a shotgun or not? This is, I would guess, a fairly fundamental question that every father finds himself asking once he’s learned the baby’s sex. It seems that when the father knows he is going to have a son, the question turns from shotgun buying to ball glove buying. He almost doesn’t have as much to worry about now. His son will be raised the same way he was raised, by the school of hard knocks. You fall down, scrape your knee, you get back up and keep going. Its almost a biological expectation. The same may hold truth with daughters, but applied more towards which shotgun will be best to get.

I’ve joked with friends about it at the time and again when two found out they were expecting. He was planning to live out the vision of the grumpy father rocking on his porch, with shotgun perched against the wall, yelling at the kids to get off his lawn. That intimidation factor to scare off the young boys from getting too close to his daughter. I’ve thought about doing the same thing, using it as intimidation when the time came to keep away the ones who didn’t have a strong back to them. But I’ve come to realize that its not something that’s really needed.

Mind you, I’m a decent 6′-1″ tall, hefty young man, I’ve also been told many many times, that I’m rather scary looking even when expressionless. I don’t intend to have that kind of perception being given off, its just natural. Seeing as I’ve already got the intimidating scary look being a natural occurrence, I figure there’s no longer a need for having a shotgun. Not only is my daughter going to be made aware of this simple fact as she grows older, but the neighborhood boys will as well.

By being that naturally-intimidating-father-without-needing-a-shotgun-to-do-so, I wonder how else I can torment my daughter when she hits those teen years? My goodness did I just scare myself with that thought! Can I borrow the non-expiring “it pauses time” device?